Taking a Break

I finally finished my tree today. I watched the Jets beat the Dolphins and I took care of the laundry.

And I did a lot of thinking.

I'm confused. My emotions have been up and down all week. One minute I'm hopeful this will all work out. The next I'm panicked this is all a waste of time.

I'm certain that AM will call like she said she would. Then I'm convinced she's not going to follow through as usual.

I think M might be ready someday. Or maybe never. I'm OK with that. Well, no I'm not.

She's either dying to know me and scared to admit it or dying to get rid of me and scared to say it.

I need a break from all this. I need to pull the cover over my head and be in denial again for a while. I need to walk away and pretend it doesn't exist. I need to spend the holidays with my new husband and my friends, enjoy my birthday, count my blessings. I need to stop letting this permeate my every thought, stop letting it play up all my insecurites and be non-birthmother Brown for a while.

So if I'm not around much, that's why.