M

I haven't blogged the past few days, just because I thought I might actually get some work done at work =)

But it's on the tip of my tongue, all I'm dealing with in terms of my "semi open" adoption, I'm not as angry, but boy I so much wish I had a solution.

Since I don't. I thought I'd tell you all today about the reason this adoption is so important to me.

M.

M is 15 and a half. She's beautiful and smart and awesome, and no I'm not a bit biased =)

The people I've shared my picutes of her with have all said she looks JUST like me. In actuality, she is a mix between me an B. Draw a horizontal line across her nose and the top half is me nad the bottom is B. It's funny, like God knew we would have an issue over who she resembles, so HE made sure we were both represented equally.

She has my hair, even in the same style, but she parts it to the right. She same artificial high lights. The same big brown eyes. She has his smile, his mouth and his chin. It's a good thing, because I always had crooked teeth and needed braces and B had the perfect, non orthodontia enhanced smile. She can also twist her lips into the sarcastic smirk that got me in this trouble to begin with.

But because she is a girl, they all say she looks like me. Or maybe they are afraid to give B any credit. It's OK. At least he can't say I lied about who her father is. I knew since she was born that she was going to be gorgeous. She was absolutely perfect, and let me tell you , most babies are a little alienesque, I know I sure was. M wasn't. She was healthy and peachy pink and she had perfect lips. I'll never forget how she looked as I held her on my way out of the hospital.

M and I have a lot in common from what I understand. She loves clothes and makeup and green tea. She and I share the fact that we weigh more than we look, if that makes any sense. She loves the beach and the sun. She wears her heart on her sleeve.

M is a sophomore now. She's smart, and in honors classes and gets straight A's. She also is a two sport athlete, volleyball and softball. She is an awesome softball player, my last update was a link to an article on her game saving hit in the varsity playoffs. That is not from me, that is what would have likely been the case if B and I woked to our potential. We were both smart and athletic, but more concerned with other teenaged distractions.

When I look in the mirror, I sometimes see M. It's just surreal to know that there is someone else in this world who looks in the mirror and sees a lot of what I see. My parents and my siblings, we all resemble eachother, but no one looks exactly like eachother. M could be my twin at times, or my younger sister. She looks older than her 15 years, and I look younger than my 33.

I wonder what it's going to be like, if I ever get the chance to look in her eyes in person. I try to picture it every day. I'm jealous of those who get to do it all the time. I just wonder how it's possible that someone so similar could be such a complete stranger.